TattooYogaMommy

Maggie Spatarella was kind enough to not only take pictures the night of my Big Multi-Media CD Release Show, she also did a lovely photo montage!  Enjoy!

watch?v=Q4ZJ9rdbaDU

We are living history.

We are setting the tone for future generations
and we are living what our ancestors have given to us.
What will we give our children?
Anything better than what was given to us?
Or the same old story of color and lies?

Everyone should not be trusted…
Killing the life out of all we touch,
The Midases of the greedy and selfish.

Or will we give hope of a life to live
with a knowledge that we can do better
And we must
When will it just be done, this new world
Free of fear, of the unknown
Free of prejudice

When will we truly know that the epidermis
is for keeping what we all have inside
from spilling out
all over the floor.

And our history was wrong to divide us.

Is this really the best that humans have come up with yet?

I will remember

We are living history.

I had an absolutely fabulous time last Saturday at my Big Multi-Media Release Show, and I just wanted to quickly say a big THANK YOU for everyone that came to the show, performed at the show, and sent well wishes for the show!

I’ll be writing more with lots of pics and videos soon, so check back soon!

Thanks again, I’m feeling on top of the world!  If you missed it and want a copy of the album, visit http://www.cdbaby.com/sahffi2, or Baltimore retail outlets Barnes & Noble, Record & Tape Traders, or The Sound Garden.

Early copies of the CD have been circling, and I’m so proud to have some great comments so far!

“You guys are awesome. I’m so proud of you all… I wish you all the success you deserve.” – Penny, Broadalbin, NY

“Thanks so much for the cd!  I really enjoyed it.  You (both) have BEAUTIFUL voices and what harmony- almost chilling!  What I would think angels would sound like.  (Maybe a little Sarah McLaughlin?)  Run away keeps running around in my head!  Can’t peg a specific genre…folk, new age, pop, but I enjoyed it.  Good music to unwind too. I wish (you) all the best!” – Donna, Salisbury, MD

“Shelly (and sahffi)’s new album Turning Tides is finally completed! I’ve obtained a special advance copy, and it is marvelous: a stunning variety of songs, passionately and insightfully sung, and a barrel of fun to boot.” – Bill, Baltimore, MD

Thanks for the good vibes, everyone!  The album will be released on Sept. 23rd, and be available locally at Record and Tape Traders, Barnes & Noble, and Soundgarden, as well as online at CD Baby.

Don’t forget about the CD Release Show on 9/27… buy tickets now!

Today was the day… I was wondering when it would come.
Neema, my 4 ½ year old daughter, (the ½ is very important!),
realized I have three names.  She even learned how to
spell all three, and wrote them in succession above the
sahffi sticker she stuck right in the middle of
the page she took out of the printer.

I didn't know when, or how, she would realize I have
three names… her realization that I had two names came
when she was two.  When her daycare provider asked her
what her Mommy's name was, she looked serious, thought
for a moment, then said, "honey."  (The name Brad & I
use around the house for each other… his name was
"honey," too!)  We got a good laugh out of that one.

But I always wondered… would she be confused by my
many names?  Would she know that I am always me, no
matter what someone calls me?

Today, she just wanted to know how to spell them,
nothing more, nothing less… no confusion, no
strangeness about it at all.  Just another day with
her tattoo yoga mommy.

  sahffi/Mommy/Carrie

Neema's realization

The day I have been dreaming about for over two years has finally arrived… I received my second album, ‘Turning Tides’, on Wednesday!  UPS came to my work with three big boxes of cds, 1,000 count, and when I opened that first one, let me tell you, I was happier than a school girl!

It really is like having a baby, without the physical trauma (for the most part!).  You think about having one, you start the process, (ah-hum, that part might be a bit different), you coordinate the arrival, then BAM one day there it is, and all the responsibility lies on you to send it off into this world prepared.

I have tried my best this time around to use my marketing and PR skills I used in the non-profit world to send off the cd in a good fashion… press releases, press packets, CD Release Show (scheduled for 9/27; more info here: http://www.sahffi.com/bigshow)… and all I can do is sit back and hope the universe can guide my little creation on the right path.

At last night’s show at the Lurman Woodland Theater, I decided to bring pre-release copies for sale, and was tickled pink to sell 6 copies!  I have never sold more than 3 copies at any show, so to sell 100% more was like breaking my own world record!

I love my new CD, and am proud now to have two.  But, just like Olympic gold medals, I now have my sights on # 3….

Published story by Eight-Stone Press, “Smile Hon, You’re In Baltimore”, “Skin Deep”

http://eightstonepress.com/hon/hontattoo.htm

“At your age?”

That was my parent’s reaction to the news that I was getting my first tattoo.  It didn’t seem that I had told them I had been thinking about getting inked for the past 10 years.  My bad.

The story actually starts over 15 years ago.  I was a second year college student, and after having been raped in my first year of college, I had found love and trust for the first time in a young man named Brian.  After several months of feeling like my life was charmed and finally peaceful, my boyfriend started acting distant and strange, and definitely not the prince charming I was sure he was.  (Turns out he was swiping computer equipment from the school, but that’s another story.)  In my struggle with acceptance that my first love was almost certainly not going to be the happily-ever-after story I was so sure it was destined to become, I started walking.  I walked north, following my mood of needing guidance.  Plus, Calvert Street went north.  Easy enough.

It was a gray day; not rainy, not warm, not cold.  Just the kind of gray day that makes everyone and everything seem gray.  It seemed to fit my mood: I was mad.  A bit numb.  How could life be this cruel?  Why was I being denied my one true love?  (Reminder: young college student thoughts.)

About an hour or so later along my walk I saw a beautiful little white church.  The kind that you see in shows like “The Little House on the Prairie.”  A good memory from my childhood, that show, so I decided it couldn’t hurt to go in.  I have never been very religious, but hey, maybe I’d have some big revelation that would help me figure out this crazy life… or maybe I would at least meet someone cute…

I went to open the door, and lo and behold, my one hope for being saved was locked.  LOCKED?!  How could a church’s doors be locked?  Isn’t God supposed to be waiting for people exactly like me??

I sat down on the church steps, tired from my long walk, tired of feeling like a chump, and just plain tired of it all.  There was an empty lot across the street from the church; long grass, dead flowers, stumpy trees, broken asphalt; perfect viewing for my mood.

Just then, a stream of sunlight burst from the clouds above.  I looked up and followed the stream as it made it’s way to earth.  It fell right on a clump of brownish-deadish tall grass in the abandoned lot, and an amazing thing happened next.  A swarm of monarch butterflies swirled up into the light!  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!  Suddenly, my heart felt lighter, and I felt a sense of peace sweep over me like a cleansing wave of relief.

Needless to say, that was the first time something like God had touched my life.  Of course I researched the meaning of monarch butterflies in every culture, religion, and gossip column… this was way before the internet, so it took me a while to get the true signifigance of the moment.

Fast forward to a few years later: I became a rock’n'roll guitarist, and noticed how gorgeous everyone’s tattoos looked on stage.  I started to think about the monarch butterfly moment in time, and how I always wanted to hold on to that peaceful feeling, and always wanted to remember the day of my transformation from damaged and hurt young girl to awakened and beautiful young woman.

Over the next ten years, I imagined the concept of the design: I really wanted a fairie with monarch wings reaching towards enlightenment.  (I love fairies, I was one at my wedding; again, another story.) But, what would people say and think of me, and what it would cost?  And let’s not forget about the pain; how much would it hurt?  (I was always a wimp when it came to pain.)

In 2004, I gave birth.  Pain is now not a big deal to me.  After turning 35 in 2006, people’s reactions to me are now not a big deal to me, either.  I have been blessed with enough money to live on, and a little extra, too, thanks to a supportive husband.  (My frog prince turned prince charming at our wedding.)  I decided I really wanted the tattoo I’ve been dreaming about for so long.  I believe in seven year cycles, and this was my fifth-seventh year cycle.  Perfect timing on all aspects.

I researched shops, asked people where they got their tattoos, and learned more about the process of getting a tattoo (having the internet made the process much quicker this time).  When I finally, after 10 years, walked into the tattoo shop I so meticulously sought out, and met the tattoo artist I was sure was going to do my tattoo, he took one look at my sketch and said, “I’m no good at human forms.  George should do this.”

Hmm.

One thing you have to understand about me, if you haven’t figured it out by now: I am a planner.  I plan, plan, plan.  It’s overall a good trait, but when things don’t go according to my plan… well, I get a little rattled.  But, I was determined not to get rattled about this; this process, after all, had taken me on a 10 year journey; what’s a couple more weeks of getting to know the new tattoo artist, helping him to figure out my concept, and finally getting the tattoo I’ve always dreamed about?

Well, I’m happy to say, I have been nothing but pleased with my gorgeous new tattoo.  It’s still not done; I will have the last of four sessions to finish in mid-February.  My monarch fairie will indeed be reaching for “enlightenment”… still a concept I am trying to translate into a tattoo, although my tattoo artist assures me he has it in his head; which I believe, since everything has gone according to plan so far.  (Happiness for a planner like me.)

I highly recommend the tattoo artist I have come to know: George Dobson of Read Street Tattoos in Baltimore.  He’s been a lot of fun to work with!  He’s a true artist with a plan and vision, and a relaxed attitude that helps you laugh through the pain.

Throughout this whole experience, I have learned that pain is part of the process.  Also, if I can let go and trust with eyes open, the universe, God, enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it, will take my wants and lead me to where I need to go.  I will get what I need in this life, no matter what plan I think I have for myself.

Let me tell you something… miracles DO happen everyday!

Sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I tell you this because I know, I saw it happen today.

It was just two entries ago, and my first blog, so you may have heard all about the loss of my dear daughter’s ‘nani’, her favorite blanket she’s had since she was born. It was lost, gone, left behind at the Burker King in Cambridge, Maryland, on the way to a family trip to the beach. We were all sure we would never see it again.

Turns out the old addage ‘never say never’ is completely and utterly true.

I like to take my lunch to work in a tin lunch box with the Simpsons on it. It makes people smile, I love the Simpsons, it’s ecologically friendly; all good things all the way around. I had left it in the car last Friday, and kind of forgot about it. I noticed it this morning at Neema’s feet, and put it up front to bring it in. I could tell something was in there; knowing me, a rotting banana or a tupperware container with old, stinky blue cheese dressing remenants. I decided to wait until I got into the kitchen where I could decontaminate the offense directly after opening it.

I got home, and my sister was at the house, as she brings Neema home from school. I put the tin box on the kitchen table, milled about for a minute, then decided to open the box…

Well, you may have guessed by now… NANI WAS IN THE LUNCHBOX! I stared at it for a while, not knowing what it was; I have to say, I was a bit in shock. I mean, Nani was dead! It has been three days, and we have all accepted it in our own ways! How could this be???

I called my husband, because I knew he would be as confused as me. I went upstairs to get Neema from her rest time, and told her to open the box… she was just as dumbfounded as the rest of us! The look on her face was priceless… she really didn’t believe what she was seeing!

All of us remember Neema leaving nani at Burger King… I am quite sure it was a magical and mystical experience we all went through together as a family. It was quite a ride, but I have to say, it made us stronger as a family, Neema a bit wiser, and me a bit more wary of my surroundings.

Plus, the best part of all: new rule; nani stays in Neema’s bed!

- 8/13/08

This is so cool… someone recorded my band at our last show and posted it to You Tube!

OK, I know it was Stu… but it’s still so cool!  Thanks, Stu, for taking the time to do that!

Enjoy!sahffi at Austin Grill 7-26-08

Neema, her Nani, and Star

This is my first blog as Tattoo Yoga Mommy… I’m excited, but yet a little skeptical… will I really be able to write something often enough to make this interesting? Will anyone really want to read my blog? Why the hell did I decide on tonight to start it, anyway?

Well, a lot happened this weekend, all related to tattoos, yoga and being a mommy… I am also a musician, ’sahffi’ by trade, but funny enough, nothing happened of significance on that front, despite my album release less than two months away.

No, this weekend was all about being a mommy, yoga for the first time with my kid, and my third tattoo.

It started on Friday; “let’s go to the beach tomorrow” we all agreed. It was going to be the perfect beach day… low humidity, clear skies, August Saturday. Well, the day started not as planned… my husband wouldn’t wake up (not his fault, he was staying up late the last few nights to finish my new website, sahffi.com), so I ended up taking Neema, my 4-year-old daughter, with me to walk the dog. It’s never fun, really, to walk the dog with my daughter… I much prefer to take one or the other to the park. Both is just a little too much for my sanity.

But, we ended up having a nice early morning dog walk, and when we got home, we all got ourselves ready for the beach. We hopped in the car, and after a short stop to buy more sunscreen and get some money, we were on the road.

Traffic hit as soon as we crossed the bridge, adding another hour to a long enough trip. Then, after stopping for lunch, we made it through the rest of the shore in no time. However, I was a dummy and missed the turn for Assateague Island… ending us up to the lower part of Assateague, in VA.

Well, we finally made the beach, and after a few frantic phone calls to my father and his wife who were supposed to be meeting us in the MD Assateague (we are now officially “Baltimorons” according to my dad, who, I hate to admit, might be right at this point…), we enjoyed a gorgeous day at the beach.

My daughter has had ear tubes for most of her life, which has made it impossible for us to truly enjoy the water with her up until this point. But now, she is running in and out of the waves, making sand castles, finding the “digger crabs”, and since it’s Assateague, enjoying dolphins off of the shore, pelicans flying by, and even a beautiful “sun dog” rainbow.

We enjoyed our three hours at the beach (important since we spent 10 hours in the car to get there), and just as we’re climbing back into the seats that we know will be our own personal hells for the next 4 1/2 - 5 hours, Neema says, “where is my nani?”

Nani is Neema’s purple blanket that she has had since she was born. It got it’s name from her first daycare, run by a Greek family; ‘nani’ is the Greek word for ‘nap’, and since she’s had that blanket forever, she just started associating nap time with her blanket; hence, ‘nani’.

Nani, you must understand, is much more than any regular old blanket. It’s played with us, been cried upon, used as a superhero cape, and even got to be on top of the head of the real Elmo. I’m telling you, this blanket was part of the family.

Well, when Neema asked this question, and I realized Nani was nowhere in the car, I looked at Brad, who immediately remembered we must have left it in the Burger King in Cambridge where we stopped for lunch. Could this day get worse???

I hoped against hope, but Nani was not there when we went back through Cambridge. And we just made it… when Brad walked through the BK doors, they locked them behind him. One more moment and we would not have been able to even ASK if Nani was there.

Neema was already asleep when we checked, so we had to tell her this morning that her Nani was gone. Truly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sad in my whole life! Now, mind you, I am very grateful that my daughter’s first experience of loss is a blanket, and not a treasured pet or even God forbid a loved one, but that pain on her face was real. And it has stayed on her face all day. She’s even had a slight fever all day from just being so darn sad.

We did, needless to say, go and buy a new ‘nani’, but we all know it will never replace our good old friend. I tried to explain to Neema that Nani was just a blanket, and not alive at all, but it was hard to do when she was asking “What is Nani doing without me??”.

OMG, seriously, SO sad.

But, good things happened as well this weekend; like I said, everything at the beach was wonderful, and Neema & I did yoga together for the first time. We took turns leading the yoga session, as she’s been taking yoga at her nursery school for a year now. It was great fun, and we both needed to be so close to each other today; it was very healing. I’m sure we’ll have many more sessions in the future together.

I also had my third tattoo scheduled for today, and I didn’t want to miss it, since I’ve been looking forward to it a few weeks now, having had to reschedule it already. It was funny, my tattoo artist, George, was having a really crappy day as well.

So, we made the best of it, bullshitting our way through the tattoo process, and of course I ended up with a beautiful dragonfly. (I often see dragonflies leading me to important moments in my music life, so I decided I wanted a reminder of my guides.)

When I got home, we ordered take out for dinner (egg drop soup is Neema’s favorite), and then the dreaded moment came when Neema had to start her bedtime routine, the first time without her beloved Nani. (Remember, she fell asleep on the way home from the beach!) She was extremely resistant, to say the least, but throughout this whole process she has been also extremely brave, so she went upstairs for brush-your-teeth-time and “two books”, but only with Mommy. (Daddies sometimes miss out on the really emotional parts of little girls, which is a blessing but also I’m sure a curse.)

Although Neema was clearly despondent, only once did Neema say, “I miss my purple Nani”, and I had to admit I missed it too. Only recently did Neema kick the habit of sucking her thumb, and now, the last bit of baby has literally been lost. I held her for a while, got her some water, and she laid in bed, ready for her first night as a person who has truly experienced loss.

And, instead of snuggling her new nani, she slept with her back to it. I wonder how this will change her; will she be frantic about knowing where things are? Will she care less about her toys? I guess only time will tell; all I can hope is that we are doing the right thing by her by helping her through her first lost love.

- 8/10/08, 10 pm